Gotta Have Its

Disclaimer (cause I'm good at those): The intention of Notta Mom Blob is to convince myself of the things I write.

Last night my family and I went to dinner. The dinner was in a beautiful home on beautiful land and in it lived beautiful people with all of their beautiful things. Those luckys. As we pulled up and began to get ourselves out of the minivan (always a long process), I said to myself, "do not be jealous, do not be jealous, do not be jealous, do not be jealous . . . " It was silly really that jealousy was even an option for my brain considering the owners of the beautiful life are in their sixties, have eight children who are all grown, and had rather meager beginnings themselves. So right then and there I made a decision . . . instead of being jealous I was going to find out how they obtained this beautiful life. I was also going to find out just how beautiful it really was. After all there are many out there who seem to have a beautiful life from the outside, but you soon find out that inside they are poorer than a church mouse.

I was correct on some counts, but as usual, not on all. They certainly do have a beautiful life. They raised eight wonderful children. They are quite well off enabling them to serve  in church and community much more readily. They are healthy. They have family close by. They have direction in their lives. They are living many of my own dreams. However, they are not 'Luckys.' They are 'Workers.' What they aren't is 'Gotta Have Its.'

There was much conversation last night. Many things were said that I hope I don't forget. Surprisingly . . . or not . . . the most simple phrase said was also the most useful. "Do not buy things you don't need."

Americans are, in large part, 'Gotta Have It's.' Especially young moms. We gotta have the stylish dress that that cute mom was wearing on Sunday, the manicured nails that the other cute mom was sporting, the best hairdresser and shampoos, the designer boots that we saw that adorable perfect mom wearing, the modern couches, the large home, the hip children's clothes, the name brand kids shoes, the new car, the big screen TV, the updated appliances, the designer apron, and even . . . yes even . . . the coordinating Pottery Barn baby's room that they will never remember or be affected by in any way. Or we could go with more simple gotta have its. We gotta have the new camera, the perfectly organized photo books, the new computer that wasn't made by cave men, the new but justified down to 'simple' and 'a good deal' dress for church, the hair bows for the girls, the toy tunnel for the kids . . .  

Unfortunately we have decided as a culture that the words 'need' and 'want' are really just the same thing.

Well, they aren't. Google them. They have different definitions. I promise. 

And I can make a few solemn promises right here and now.
1) Our kids do not care if they have the hippest clothes, shoes, and bedrooms. Nor will they unless we want them to.

2) We can still make friends even if we don't have the latest fashions. In fact, the ones we make using this route (i.e. ourselves out in the open vs. ourselves walled up with fashion) will likely be more like those expensive all natural deep cleaning  products instead of cheap dollar store surface cleaners.

and

3) Our children will likely be more kind, more understanding, less selfish, and more creative if they aren't handed the moon when all they really wanted was some macaroni noodles to make a necklace.

To further illustrate my point....we went to Ikea the other week and we really really really wanted to buy one of those tents they have or one of those fun climbing tubes for the kids to play with. We thought up all sorts of perfectly executed justifications of why we "needed" one or the other. Well, we didn't have $20, so we didn't get it. Instead my husband made this fort (pictured below) out of my college dorm bedspread, a hand-me-down chalkboard and some duct tape. Cost - $0. Return - Hours upon hours of creative play. Sure, yeah, it's unsightly, makes the room look always messy and cluttered and makes it a little annoying to put books away, but ya know what?! The kids are happy. I am happy. And we are not $20 poorer.