Fiery Flying Mommy

In the scriptures, when hell is referred to, I have seen mentioned that it will be filled with "fiery flying serpents." I beg to differ. I think it will be filled with fiery flying mommies. That is oh so much scarier than serpents anyway. And today, I am fairly certain that I created that vision for my sweet innocent children as they watched me fly across the house in a rage throwing tissue boxes and videos at the wall and even knocking over a chair on the way. I decided that today throwing things to get my frustrations out was safer than yelling because after all, my head is already pounding from the combination of my sinus headache, lack of sleep, and fever. I mean, if you consider 4 hours in the last 48 hours a lack of sleep. I certainly do.

I suppose I spoke too soon when I did my last two posts, saying everything was great, I was rising to the occasion, blah blah blah. Today is one of those days where I didn't even want to rise out of my bed . . .well, except for the fact that I wasn't in my bed this morning anyway. I was on the couch.

Since last Tuesday-ish, we have been dealing with some big sickness around here. My husband got hit the worst, so he had to miss a lot of work already, preventing him from being able to stay home today to help me. Poo.  Before, I was the caretaker and that was good for me. I almost thought I was in the clear from getting sick. Then Tuesday night of this week came and no matter what I tried, I could not sleep. I was jittery, couldn't close my eyes, and the worst part was that I couldn't stop singing "Moon, Moon, Moon," all. night. long. That night I finally slept for about an hour. Last night came and I thought, no way will that happen again. It did. I finally fell asleep fitfully at about 2 or 3 am and then woke at about 6 ish.

Today I have no appetite, I am queasy, tired (duh), dizzy, have the chills, weak, sore, my four year old is loud and restless because he is sick of being stuck inside with sick parents, my two year old has had FOUR accidents which she hasn't done since potty training day, and my 1 year old threw up her entire lunch . . . and I am just really really sad. I miss my momma. We lived near J's parents during our first 2 years of marriage, then near mine during our next 3 years. Now we live near no parents. My sister lives about 45 minutes away, and I know she would bring us the world if she could, but she works to support her family. That is the same with all of our friends here. They either work because it is so dang expensive to live here or they have little ones of their own. There is just nothing nothing nothing like having a grandparent close by to help when you have days like this . . . unless it's a neighbor/best friend who shares the other half of your duplex and is a total angel from heaven. That is awesome too. Oh the days . . . Anyway, it was to the point, in fact, that my hubby got on the computer last night and was prepared to use half of our tax return to fly my mom out here tomorrow and have her stay for a week! My annoying voice of reason talked him out of it. Sometimes I hate that voice. To sum it up. We feel lonely. Lonely, sick, and tired are hard things to feel. Especially all at once.

Here's the kicker. As I was sitting down to write out my feelings, the words of this hymn came into my head:
"When dark clouds of trouble hang o'er us
And threaten our peace to destroy,
There is hope smiling brightly before us,
And we know that deliverance is nigh."

(darn those hymns)

I tried to shrug it off, ironically happy to be unhappy for the moment, and then I opened up my email and there was an email from my friend C, who is in our church here. She and her family are sick and having a hard time too since her husband is so busy. She was just thinking of me and wanted me to know that. I balled as I read her email and then even more as I emailed her a thank you back. It was simple. It was not an offer to help, but only because she can't right now. But what it was, was her following a simple prompting to contact me to let me know she was there suffering right along with me. To let me know she was someone close by who understands.

No, it doesn't ease my burden like if my momma were here, but it does make me feel loved, watched out for, and important to someone. I am grateful for that.

Now. Time to take a deep breath, clean up the pee and puke, and push through the rest of this day. No more fiery flying mommy okay.